sally

community

For the last several years of my life I have been trying to understand what it means to live in true biblical community. For the last year I have been attempting to do that, to the best of my ability. But it seems, like anything you get caught up in, that it becomes overwhelming at times. Lately it seems like I've taken something that should be simple and natural and made it complicated and artificial. One of the ideas of community that I have put into practice in the last couple of years is dealing with junk when it comes up. In the past this has gotten me into uncomfortable situations because I have chosen to ignore potentially difficult situations. In other words, I've avoided in order to keep peace among a group of friends or work partners, etc. So, i've been diligent to sense a potentially tense situation and help get it out in the open, deal with and be done with it. It's almost become my "job" with the group I run in. I've gotten pretty good at it. I can deal with relational issues pretty well with grace and mercy and bring peace to sharp conversations. Anyone can be good at anything if they do it enough.

One more thing to add to my list of personality traits - i'm a deal-with-it-er.

Now that I'm so aware of this stuff, it seems to be everywhere. And, it truly is everywhere. Rarely a day goes by that their isn't a misunderstanding, or a rude word spoken or lack of compassion and the like.
It sounds like i'm tooting my own horn here, like I am so above this junk, that it never has to do with me or something - that's far from the truth. I can just as easily be the culprit. I'm not tooting my own horn at all, i'm reasoning through something I read in O. Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest earlier this month.

"Are we living in such a relationship with others that we do the work of intercession as a result of being the children of God who are taught by his spirit? We should take a look at our current circumstances. Do crises which affect us or others in our home, business, country, or elsewhere, seem to be crushing in on us? Are we being pushed out of the presence of God and left with no time for worship? If so, we must put a stop to such distractions and get into such a living relationship with God that our relationship with others is maintained through the work of intercession, where God works His miracles....We run ahead of God in a thousand and one activities, becoming so burdened with people and problems that we don't worship God, and we fail to intercede. If a burden and its resulting pressure come upon us while we are not in an attitude of worship, it will only produce a hardness toward God and despair in our own souls." [April 1]

I'm wondering where this idea fits into living in community, taking care of each others needs, honoring one another, bearing with one another in love, encouraging one another, accepting one another and serving one another?

Maybe I have produced an idea of community that isn't how it was intended.
Maybe I don't give God the space to work in people, instead I jump in and try to resolve the issue before it gets out of hand or tense or more difficult.
Maybe I'm just not in as high of demand as I think I am.

Because I feel this crisis is bigger than me most of the time, I feel stressed and tense inside when I choose to help people deal with things. Sometimes I have no idea what to say or how to handle things and everyone I know and am close to right now is dealing with very personal and difficult situations. I want to fix them, I want to help them. I want to offer the solution and I feel pressure to do so - but I realize today that I am putting that pressure on myself. This is not a lot i've been given, instead it's one that I have taken on myself.

Romans 8 says that "Christ interceds on our behalf..." so why do I put pressure on myself to fix others when Christ is offering prayers for them. That is a much better deal for all involved, I believe.

Filled with wonder

Before the day, Before the light, Before the world revolved around the sun, God on high Stepped down into time, And wrote the story of His love for everyone.
He has filled our hearts with wonder, So that we always remember

You and I are made to worship, You and I are called to love, You and I are forgiven and free. You and I embrace surrender, You and I choose to believe, You and I will see who we were meant to be

All we are, And all we have, Is all a gift from God that we receive. Brought to life we open up our eyes To see the majesty and glory of the King

He has filled our hearts with wonder So that we always remember

You and I are made to worship, You and I are called to love, You and I are forgiven and free. You and I embrace surrender, You and I choose to believe, You and I will see who we were meant to be

Even the rocks cry out, Even the Heavens shout, All the sound of His holy name. So let every voice sing out, Let every knee bow down. He’s worthy of all our praise

I'm not too sure how to say this without sounding cheesy. The thing is, I really wasn't expecting it, but God was/is so near today, to me. All the sudden this morning He was just there, face to face with me, grabbing my attention, desiring my praise.

I didn't try to be in his presence, I didn't ask for him to be close to me. Ashamedly I will tell you that I wasn't even thinking about him. I was all about my day and what was on my agenda.

"Let me tell you,' Jesus replied, 'If they are silent, the stones would be shouting out!"

Referring to this passage in scripture, N.T. Wright says,
"Are we ready to sing a psalm of praise, but only as long as Jesus seems to be doing what we want? The long and dusty pilgrim way of our lives gives most of us plenty of time to sort out our motives for following Jesus in the first place. Are we ready not only to spread our cloaks on the road in front of him, to do the showy and flamboyant thing, but also now to follow him into trouble, controversay, trial and death?"

This has been a big day for me, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm learning, but i'm left in wonder that God desires our praise, that he demands it. And if we are unavailable or have motives other than praise of Him, He will move on and receive praise elsewhere. The rocks will cry out! A lot of the time I don't feel like I'm doing well as a Christ-follower if I can't stir up within myself super spiritual feelings of being close to the Father. If I can't muster up in me some whipped up musical frenzy, then I must not be in God's good graces, he is unavailable to me, he is busy listening to the beauiful voice of someone that sinned less that day.

Instead today, I did NOTHING right. As far as I know, I didn't try to attract his attention. But, in an instance I noticed that He was all around me and their was no other choice for me in that moment than to praise him.

Does this happen always but most of the time I am too distracted and unavailable to notice, therefore He continues on His way looking for a heart that notices him in that moment?

Shout! for joy to the Lord, all the earth! Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs!Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations!

hunting in Idaho

So, my dad came into town for thanksgiving. We went hunting for 3 days. Here are some visuals...haha.

Flexible like a rubber band

This weekend YLI had a T3 experience planned, taking the peeps into the great outdoors, SNOW CAMPING. Well, actually, the trip was scheduled for last weekend...we postponed it for a very important reason. NO SNOW! So, here we are...a week later and still no snow. :sigh:

It's difficult to do a snow camping trip without the snow. Instead it turns into a soggy, cold, backpacking trip. But, we are headed off on friday afternoon to the sawtooth mountains and we WILL have fun! oh yes.

Something cool, though. You ever get that feeling of expectancy...like God is going to move powerfully and you don't know what it will look like. I dare not get in the way. That's how I feel about this weekend. This past sunday at church (living room of Rob's house), he had something else planned to discuss...but so many hearts were so heavy. The room was thick with pain and sadness. So much pain, so much sadness and heartache. So, the agenda was thrown out and we cared for each other for a few hours. And, it seems to me that God wants to continue that care on this trip this weekend. He wants to speak and move and heal...but he hasn't had to the space and time in our lives to do it. But, we will offer the space and time this weekend - snow or no snow, our purpose is clear...watch, wait, listen, receive.

Pray for us as we venture out into the mountains

What's new

Well, we're moving to Idaho on March 10th. WOW! When I tell people they usually say something like, "Idaho...how random." And, well, yes...it is random. So incredibly random that it must be God's working and timing to make it happen. It must be God, because I would certainly never just come up with the idea to move to Idaho...I mean, they are known for POTATOES, of all things. Not to exciting, but I am excited to get there.

It's been a long, difficult road these last 6 months. As most of you know, Roy and I in September to the Sacramento area. We were excited until the night we got here and found out that Roy's promised positions was not going to happen. What a shocker! Our first full day in Sacramento, we had the thought that maybe we weren't supposed to be there, that maybe we are supposed to be in Idaho instead. But, we shut those thoughts down and fought and kicked and screamed and tried to make it work here. It didn't work.

I have learned a lot these last 6 months about God's direction and timing. But, I still don't really understand it. I don't understand why God doesn't just say clearly what to do. Even when I beg Him to, He remains quiet. But one thing I do know...when you are following His steps, there is a peace. A peace beyond comprehension, one that I cannot explain to you. But I know what it is. I am very thankful for that peace.

So, so long northern CA. Nice to know ya.

An Exhilarating Life

I have been very bad at posting. I just forget about it sometimes, but I THINK I want to commit to getting better...hummm.

So, this weekend Roy and I went up to lake Tahoe for 2 day trips. It's only 1.5 hrs away, so why not. One day we went snowboarding with basically perfect conditions. My friend Kate came with us and it was a blast. In fact, there was so much powder that on one run I fell and couldn't get back out, it totally wasted me! I loved that day because I was boarding well and the weather was perfect, and I had music in my ears and I was in good company. When I think back on it, I couldn't/wouldn't change anything and it gives me that good feeling inside.

Roy and I also went back up on saturday to a place called Cascade Lake. We were in search of a frozen river to ice climb on...So, we snowshoed in to the place and found some ice, but not really anything we could climb on. However, it was absolutely beautiful there. I am putting a couple pictures up for you to see. And once again, the day was wonderful. I love being out like that, worries disappear, nothing bothers you, it's just beautiful and freeing and lovely and still.

I am describing to you these days because I have been thinking a lot lately about perfect days like those.

I remember this feeling I would get as a kid...it was some strange combination between joy-excitement-exhilaration-thrill. I don't know what the feeling is called, but I remember it clear as day, although I rarely have the feeling anymore. I would be going about my day as an elementary or junior high child and all of the sudden I would remember something that was going to be happening in the near future. And I would burst with excitement. For example, I would be half way through the school day and all of the sudden remember that it was wednesday, and wednesday meant I went to church, and I LOVED church, especially wednesday nights! So my heart would leap, almost. And I would be covered over with that feeling and everything that came with it - joy, excitement, thrill, and many other things. Maybe a friend was going to get to sleep over, or my mom was making my favorite meal for dinner or maybe I was going on a trip, it could be about the smallest of things, but HUGE to me. Huge enough to make my heart leap.

Occasionally that will happen these day, although not nearly enough. And, it usually has to be about bigger things, something huge. And I have so much "stuff" that weighs me down on a daily basis, and so much going on in my mind, and so many things to remember to do, etc., that I think I have too much going on to feel joy about life.

Abundant life.

It is what we are made to experience but our souls get too crowded sometimes.

I think I'm in the process of cleaning mine out, it is well overdue. It is a mess in there, to be honest! Where did all this junk come from?

So in thinking about perfect days, I am reminded that heaven is ours! And I truly don't believe it is this white, fluffy cloud thing with music forever and ever amen. No, it is life as it was originally intended to be, abundant life....but without the junk, without the pain, without the discouragement, without the suffering, without all the things that cloud our souls. And that feeling, the one of absolute exhilaration and joy about the day ahead, that will be there too.

God gives us those glimpses now, they are all around us and I am so thankful for days like the ones I had this weekend, a glimpse of God and His goodness to me. And as I am on this journey of eternal, abundant life, days like these remind me of why I am here and they also remind me of who's child I am and how loved and cherished I am.

I hope that you experience one of those days soon!

Running like nobodies business, oh yeah!

I ran in the California Internation Marathon on Sunday morning. I didn't run the whole thing, I ran it as a relay with 3 other gals and it was a blast. I was asked just two weeks ago if I wanted to run in it because a team needed one other runner. I said yes and there I stood on sunday morning at 5:50 am meeting for the first time 2 out of the 3 ladies I was running with. It was 20-something degress and dark and I was wondering what in the world I was getting myself into. I ran the third leg of the race, it was 7.4 miles and my time was 56 minutes! Not too shabby for no training! Mostly, though, the entire experience was so fun. I was with these other ladies that I didn't even know just a few hours earlier, yet we were cheering each other one, praying for one another, hugging and celebrating - just a genuine sense of comraderie among strangers. And boy, did I need that! It was so good for my soul to be cheering someone one, to take the focus off of myself, to experience the good nature of human beings, from complete strangers.
During my leg, as I ran down streets and through neighborhoods, people lined the streets the entire way. And people, complete strangers, young and old, male and female, cheered me on and encouraged me to keep going. Some would say things like "you look strong!" and "keep running fast!" and "keep going!" and "Don't give up!" and "you're almost there!" and "you're doing great!" And, even though I don't know those people, the words and the energy behind them were encouraging to me and filled me with hope for the human race. People do know how to be loving and gentle and encouraging. It is in our nature to be that way. It was such a good day and God was in it, He was all over the place and it was refreshing and exciting.
By the way, we took 4th place for the all women's team! ha!

Thankful

I really really love this time of the year! Last night I was driving home from a rock climbing get-together at the church and I was behind this car. As it took off at the green light all the steam from the exhaust came out, you know, the white smoke that comes out of the car when it's cold. It made me so happy!! I love the cool weather and I love this season of the year. Basically thanksgiving to new years is such a great time. We leave wednesday afternoon for southern california to see Roy's family for turkey day and then we are off to Joshua tree national park to rock climb the rest of the weekend with a friend and my little bro!

I am so thankful for my life and my friends (even if I don't have many that live nearby yet). I am thankful for my amazing and very wonderful husband that treats me like gold every single day. I am thankful for my boss and the ministry that we are able to get paid to do. I am thankful for my mom who is such a graceful example of a beautiful woman. I am thankful for my dad who has loosened up in life and figured out what is important. I am thankful for the community of Christ followers that I claim as my community. I am thankful for the apartment I live in and the cars that we drive. I am very thankful for my health and a body that is, for the most part, pain free and works well. I am thankful for Jesus, he pours out love even when I'm not in the mood to accept it. I am thankful for beautiful places. I am thankful that it's difficult to discern which great place God wants us to live...I am so thankful for options! I am mostly thankful for the adventure that is my life...the adventure of discovering and loving Jesus which leads to all other adventures that I live out daily. It's all part of the adventure, nothing just is...Jesus redefines satisfaction, peace, meaning and significance. He redefines beauty and love, too.
What are you thankful for?

Taking Time to Listen

This past weekend Roy and I decided to get it away from it all and head to one of the most beautiful places on earth...YOSEMITE! It's so beautiful there and if you can manage to ignore the crowds and get off somewhere to away from the people, it is one of the most relaxing places I know of. Before we moved up to northern CA we used to get away almost every weekend. We would jet out the door as soon as Roy finished work, about mid-day on fridays, and would roll back into the O.C. in just enough time to make it to theh 6pm service at Rockharbor! It was a beautiful life!! We would sometimes drive hours and hours to experience beautiful places and wonderful solitude for only 24-36 hours. People would think we were crazy. And maybe we are...But, since we moved here our weekends have been busy and we've only been able to get away a handful of times. And let me tell you, I can tell a HUGE difference in myself. I need that time away, out in creation, away from the phone, away from the fast paced business of life, away from ministry, away from others...just away..me, my hubby and my precious Jesus. We have such a great time together.

There is no "three's a crowd" with us, this is the way it should be.
When I get out there like that, life seems to take on a more simplistic feel. The decisions and things that stumped me the week before somehow become less threatening and more do-able. But what I really notice is that God has a lot to say to me and I usually don't slow down enough to really hear it. And when He says stuff it isn't always what you expect, like "do this" or "do that" or "repent" or any of those things that we think the big, heavy voice of God would say. It's usually something else, something more like "clothe yourself with love today" and "instead of being critical, choose to encourage them" and "learn the discipline of generosity."
I seek God a lot because I don't want to be the one to blame for messed up decisions, I want to be able to say "God told me to do this" and that way if it fails, or life doesn't go as planned, it's not MY fault. But, when I seek Him without an agenda, He breathes life into my soul and infuses my heart with a desire to revolutionize how I live.
We are way too comfortable in our little lives. WE ARE WASTING TIME! These petty goals and dreams and measures for success that we put on ourselves are bogus. They mean nothing. What is a promotion when you lied to get it? What are straight A's if you negelct your lonely little brother? What is good about managing your money well, if it all stays in your pocket?
And I have been wasting time...lately I have wasted about 3 months of time. I've wasted it by being unhappy with circumstances and by sulking and throwing myself a pity party here in Northern Cal. I have yet to make any friends, I have yet to encourage, I have yet to give, I have yet to sacrifice my time, I have yet to see the good side of a thriving mega church, I have yet to wrestle with my sin, I have yet to join into community with people that need it worse than I do, I have yet to DO ANYTHING RADICAL - yet I classify myself as a subversive follower of JESUS - would anyone really recognize that? Yeah, I don't cuss (usually) and I don't cheat on my husband, I don't get drunk, and I don't speed too much, and I go to church (sometimes), and I try to spend my money wisely, etc...
But am I clothed in love? Are my very actions and attitudes towards others filled with love and compasison? I think not...so I'm off to love someone, to stop wasting this day. Want to join me?

..."clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect harmony." (I Thes 3:12-14)

Feeling the Blues

It's been a difficult season for us here. Some of you may or may not know that we moved to the Sacramento area in September for Roy to take a job with an adventure ministry here. When we arrived here we were met with the fact that their was no money to make his position happen. It was as hard blow, we floated through the next several days wondering what was going to happen, wondering if we had misread God's direction to come here in the first place, wondering what to do. After several days things began to work out - not like they were supposed to originally, but at least Roy was going to have a job, even if it wasn't the adventure sports position, he would be making an income. We moved in and got settled here (somewhat), and have come to find out this week that Roy's position (the infamous "promised position") is never really going to happen. At least not in the next couple of years. In the middle of this whole thing, we have been given the opportunity by YLI to pursue our dream of doing adventure/outdoor ministry in Idaho. So, we've been praying and praying and praying. And, as soon as we started praying about what to do, GOD HAS GIVEN US VERY CLEAR DIRECTION! Can you believe it? I guess most of the time we pray because we know we should, and because we might possibly get lucky and God might give us some direction. But, He has been so clear and I am so thankful.

But, even in the midst of the fact that God is guiding us (amazing to think that the creator of the world is guiding me!) life has still been difficult and stressful and frustrating. And, I can't stand that my husband is hurting. I want to be able to fix his case of the blues. I want to encourage him and rebuild his confidence and convince him that things will be better in the morning. I can't. I try, but I can't.

This is where dependance comes in for me. As much as I try, I can't fix all that is wrong and painful right now. I can only trust that God knows what he's doing with us and remember that he has our best interests at heart and that he does truly want to lead us and use us.

Henri Nouwen says, "I came to see that I should not worry about tomorrow, next week, next year, or the next century. The more willing I was to look honestly at what I was thinking and saying and doing now, the more easily I would come into touch with the movement of God's Spirit in me, leading me to the future. God is a God of the present and reveals to those who are willing to listen carefully to the moment in which they live the steps they are to take toward the future. "Don't worry about tomorrow," Jesus says. "Tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."